Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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