it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
