I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
