From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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