Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
