remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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