hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
