The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
