you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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