Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize