I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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