Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
