I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I understand Curling. That high.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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