Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize