and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize