I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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