you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh god it's open bar.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
