We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
