Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
NoShamevember. You game?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im part way to drunk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
