So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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