We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
