So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
