dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
