I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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