OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
