my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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