so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
