So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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