:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
