I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A bitchslap is in order.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
