My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
