Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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