My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
