I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
