I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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