i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
