How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
two words: eviction party
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
