So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
