She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
