there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
