If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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