I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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