How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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