You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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