Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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