Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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