do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
