his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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