I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize