her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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