Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
