Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize