Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
