the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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