We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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