There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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