A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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