Kiss
Puke
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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