Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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