my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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