woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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