Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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