the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
