there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize