I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
