So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
