It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize