no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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