i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
