I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
