is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
