just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
