I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize